Inspired Again (Finally!)
- Amy Rogan
- 2 days ago
- 7 min read
When you are true to your passions and believe in yourself, beautiful things happen.
As artists, creatives, and out-of-the-box thinkers, it is drilled into our heads the concept of the starving artist. We were told from early on, it is almost impossible to make a “good living” or be “successful” if you want to be an artist. As much as I would hate to admit it, this is one of the reasons I didn’t think I could be a painter again even though I’ve had a successful career in the fashion industry.
My earliest memory of finding joy in art was in the 5th grade. I made an art piece of a lion with school glue on black paper then colored with pastels (chalk). I loved it! I felt like I was really good at something. People praised my work. Who knew in the years to come that piece would lead to so much self-doubt, self-criticism, anxiety, and mental anguish? Not me. I just enjoyed the creative process.
All through high school I explored both aspects of my skills, advanced math and science along with art. It was a challenge finding myself. Especially finding my confidence as a female in advanced classes away from my peers; as well as being the “weird” creative that didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. At that age, all anyone wants to do is fit in and be liked by everyone. Looking back, I’m grateful I wasn’t set up to “fit-in” but in those elementary moments it was the most painful experience. This is when my depression and physical pain set in too. I threw myself into my art, hiding behind dark and eerie sketches, staying late to throw one more thing on the potter’s wheel, and excited to be on the art team going to competitions just to escape the bullying at school. I fell in love with oil painting my junior and senior years. Thanks to my love of art, I went on a grand adventure for 2 weeks exploring Europe. The trip included the great works of art and architecture of 4 cities; London, Paris, Madrid, and Rome. This trip planted the seed to my love of travel as well. The world was such a magical place to explore and discover. So many colors, textures, and cultures.
When it came time to choose which college I was going to go to, I knew I had to get out of Wisconsin. As I was trying to discover who I was and what life was going to be like for me I realized the people around me were not going to fuel my creativity. A friend from high school told me about the art school she was going to go to in Savannah, GA. I loved the warm weather in Georgia and the variety of degrees available at the school. My friend ended up going to a school in Minnesota but I still went on to Savannah. Good thing I did, that’s where I met Joe and fell in love with my best friend and biggest supporter.
Over the years, our lives did not happen like we thought they would. They never do. Through the ups and downs of my mental and physical health, I lost a lot of the curiosity and wonder of my creative mind. Surviving and making money became priority while I struggle to continue fueling my creative passion. The big goal of societal success weighed heavily and focused most of my decisions. Over the last few years though, our definition of success has changed. The more we learned and life experiences that happened, our perspectives adjusted and adapted. This is one of the greatest adventures of life, change. Nothing ever stays the same. We must learn to flow and adapt while we create the life we want.
Thankfully, Joe never lost his sense of wonder and curiosity. He has a way of bringing me back around to it, balancing me perfectly. Recently, we were put into a position to meet some new friends in Oklahoma on my 44th birthday. If we didn’t have this job of traveling to Home & Garden shows or live in a converted van RV full-time, I feel we would not be able to adapt and change as quickly as we do. We have to have ways to meet the people we need to be around. We are so grateful to have David and Angie in our lives now.
David has embraced his artistic skills jumping in completely after his retirement from the Air Force. The first time we met in November of 2021, he stirred the artist that was buried deep inside of me. He gave me the space and access to supplies to create my first pour painting for our van. Joe was so thrilled I was painting again that he quickly found other things for me to paint in the van. Joe wanted me to resurrect the artist part of me that he originally fell in love with. Whenever I paint or draw, he becomes more affectionate and happier.
Every morning and night I stare at that 1st painting at the foot of our bed, seeing different shapes and colors. I’ve found eight recognizable images that all correlate to symbolism in our lives in the van. Their significance along with the meanings of the colors I chose are that confirmation I am on the right path. I remember how I tried to control the formation of the image and then the parts I had to let go and allow the flow to happen. David doesn’t force an image into the paintings, he becomes the vessel to allow the image to emerge into what it wants to become. This mindset has resonated with me as there are so many similarities to the way Joe and I live our lives. As we travel, we allow our lives to flow with faith that we are in the right place and the right time for us to create a ripple effect of positive impact. We have core values and requirements of what we want our lives to look like and we embrace the curiosity of the unknown. We are the vessels – carriers bringing to light the best of people and situations around us, creating a beautiful work of art called life.
On our travels for work, David asked us to bring some redwood pieces from California so he could make his resin and wood furniture art. This was the perfect opportunity to be back in a creative environment to finish our book. So we made the trek from California to Oklahoma. On the way, I set the intention to paint again, to find a way to bring this back to the surface, but I continued to struggle with what or how I wanted to paint. We took time to stop and enjoy the beauty of our country along the way. It wasn’t until the final stretch that I truly noticed the vivid greens of the spring time as inspiration. As we got closer, I noticed all the shades of green with consistent pops of purple flowering trees. Then we would pass a white flowering tree. These color clusters became more frequent. Then like a strike of lightning inspiration struck! The swirls of ideas flowed into my mind freely. I knew what and how I wanted to start painting. But how can I have an art studio living in a tiny home on wheels? That self-doubt tried to creep in. Living in 72 square feet of space, how can I have room to allow paintings to dry and have space for all my supplies? My logical brain tried to take over but I brought it back to the desire to create again.
As we drove closer and closer to David and Angie’s home, I watched the spring colors fly by. The final piece revealed itself. I can paint on tiny canvases! Tiny paintings for tiny living. All the pieces started falling into place in my mind and heart. I had the inspiration for the colors I wanted to use - the places we go on our travels. I always noticed the colors and textures around me. I have the technique I want to use - pour painting. I can pick the colors for inspiration but I must allow the image to come forth just like our lifestyle. I can’t control everything in the artwork just like we can’t control everything in our lives. Then the last piece - the size I am working with allows me to fit painting and creating back into my life. All the pieces I thought were not possible are now showing me that it is possible again. Pushing away those fears of survival and making money, I’m able to be free to create. My desire to write more has surfaced as well.
As I’ve watched Joe push himself to practice his art consistently over the years, I judged myself why I couldn’t do it like he does. I have seen him continue to develop and grow while I hid my talent. Since we’ve been here in Oklahoma with David and Angie, I’ve allowed myself to believe in me again. Joe and I have been pushing hard to complete our book, Happy Medium, but I had allowed the idea of surviving and money to interfere multiple times. For some reason, being here now, there is an acceptance inside that is allowing my fine artist to gain strength and blossom again. I want to be that person again that Joe fell in love with all those years ago. He sees me trying to break free again and has the patience to allow me to find that self-image, just like I have to have patience allowing the image to come out of the paintings.
I don’t know if I’ll just do pour paintings or if I’ll grow back into other styles I used to do back in high school and college. But I don’t need to know right now. I am enjoying this moment. The joy of being inspired again. There is no need to fester in past feelings. There is no need to fret about what the future holds. There is only this moment creating this piece of art called our life experience. Because that is the only thing we truly have some control over, the now. I am inspired again and I am going to enjoy seeing where this new journey takes us.
If you like this story or any of my paintings, feel free to message me or make a purchase on our shop page. I hope you find as much joy in these tiny pieces as I have in making them. Or maybe these paintings trigger your own memories of the places we’ve been. Whatever the reason, thank you for supporting my art. I don’t have the space to keep them all to myself!
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